Dive bars, really crappy places, make for the best conversation. Maybe it’s the total lack of pretense, maybe it’s the terrible lighting, but something about these places allows people to open up and get to the bottom of living.

It was exactly this situation where the topic of “armor, weakness, and going for it” came up. I relished this conversation, as the man I was having the conversation with was a few years older than I, but not too old to stop a mutual rapport from building.

This man in question has done plenty of living, both good and bad. Without going into too much detail, this kind of living always makes for the most interesting people.

We got to talking about our past, and how we have grown in the years we have known each other. We both saw how we have developed over the past 4 years, but the conversation regarding my friend is why I am writing.

My friend left the army a driven individual. His mind was of a singular nature, and when combined with his energy, he was like a boulder rolling downhill. Nothing could deter him from his path, what is right was right, and fuck everyone who stood in the way.

In terms of goals and success, it worked for him. He became a powerful individual in the circles we run. He was a very polarizing figure, of course, but he was effective.

But he wasn’t a complete person. Only examining life from one point of view is to toss aside our human nature. His goal oriented mindset also didn’t lend itself well to making meaningful relationships. I saw these qualities in him when we first met, and I didn’t have much of an interest in dealing with that character. In his words; “You couldn’t have a conversation with me back then”.

This is the armor. Complete self assurance. The confidence that whatever you are doing, you are killing it. Even when things go wrong, it’s not you.

Some people go through this phase in their life. Most do when they are younger. Things are easy.

Eventually though, someone weakens your armor. Whether it was a tough breakup, a big failure, or something else, it happens. Reality smacks you in the face, for the first time your armor falls off. And it’s shocking.

It’s harder to be the juggernaut that you were before now. Your armor is weak and vital parts are exposed. You are afraid to go for things because you can get hurt now. Instead of directing all your energy forward, it gets wasted on worrying about things you never even noticed before.

This is the weakness. The fear of putting yourself out there because you know you are weak.You’ve been exposed to the world and you are afraid what will happen next time.

Many people stop here. It is easier to stay comfortable. It makes perfect sense, to not expose yourself to danger (real or imagined) when you know your defenses are suspect.

But real growth, when you become a complete person with emotion and realness, a person who lives life and examines what happens around him, is still there for the taking.

The strongest people are those that recognize the fact that they are vulnerable. They know the world can hurt them, that everything isn’t made for them. But even with this knowledge, the weight that keeps so many down, the strong pick up the weight and run with it.

This is going for it. Knowing what failing means but throwing yourself into “it” anyway. Knowing that you can be bigger than your momentary self. That when something gets through your armor you can recover.

As we went through this in conversation, one other thing became clear. Once the veil of the first stage is broken, one can never back. But the struggle between weakness and going for it is something that people will struggle with all their lives. Even the strongest will retreat to the safety of weakness at one time or another. But this struggle is what defines a life. It gives one character. Without the reminder of weakness the glory of success would mean nothing.